A Team Effort
by Arress
Summary: Crack!Fic.  Vance puts a hit out on Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo.  Will the team be able to stop him in time?  Gibbs/DiNozzo slash.  Please note the change in rating, now M.
1. A Team Effort

A Team Effort

By Arress

Summary: Crack!Fic. Vance puts a hit out on Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. Will the team be able to stop him in time? Gibbs/DiNozzo slash, but nothing blatant. Spoilers for several episodes throughout the series. Contains the canon death of two main characters and the not-so-canon death of another.

A/N: Read at your own risk (and you might want to make sure you're not drinking any beverages if you decide to chance it). Thanks, little_janie, for all your help.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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Gibbs thought Director Vance had been acting very cagey the last few days, so he decided to follow him when he left NCIS headquarters acting suspiciously. He followed Vance to the parking garage, where he met a shady-looking character in a dark corner, void of any surveillance cameras. Gibbs hid behind a pillar nearby and listened to their conversation.

"You come highly recommended," Vance said to the shady-looking character, who Gibbs silently dubbed 'Shady'. "I'm sure we'll be able to come to a mutually-beneficial agreement."

"Just tell me what you need done," Shady said in a raspy voice. "I'll do anything for the right price."

"My boss, the Secretary of the Navy, is pushing me to promote someone," Vance said. "Someone I find unsuitable for promotion. I need him gone… permanently." 

"Why don't you just fire him?" Shady asked.

"Did you just hear what I said?" Vance asked incredulously. "SecNav wants him promoted. I can't very well fire him instead."

"Who is this person you find unsuitable for promotion?" Shady asked.

"Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo," Vance replied. He reached into a pocket and pulled out a picture, which he handed to Shady. "Here's his picture. Now, you need to hold off until I give you the word, because the team he's on is in the middle of a big case, and I can't afford for the rest of the team to be distracted by his death. They'll want to waste time with a memorial service, and worse, they'll want to give him a proper funeral."

"What about my payment?" Shady asked.

Vance reached into another pocket and pulled out a wad of cash, which he also handed to Shady. "Here's a third of your usual fee. I'll give you another third when I give you the go ahead, and then the rest after the job is done."

"I find that acceptable," Shady said. "I look forward to hearing from you."

Gibbs waited silently while the other two men left. He couldn't believe what he'd just heard. Vance was putting a hit out on his lover, just because he didn't find him 'suitable for promotion'. While Gibbs didn't really find Tony suitable for promotion either, he didn't want him to be promoted in any case, because that meant they would be working different hours, and then he'd have to find another lover. But Tony was so agreeable and so sexy, and besides, Gibbs already had him trained up just the way he wanted him. He didn't want to start all over! He had to find a way to put a stop to this.

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When Gibbs returned to his desk, he sent out a coded email to every member of his team, including Ducky, Palmer and Abby, to meet in his basement at midnight. He knew he could count on his team to help him with his problem. They had come through admirably for him in the past.

Once midnight arrived and the entire team was gathered in his basement, he announced, "We have a problem. Today, I overheard Vance planning to put a hit out on DiNozzo. He told the hit man that he'd give him the word when he's ready for him to do the job. The director wanted him to wait until we close our current case," Gibbs stopped speaking to take a deep breath. He added sarcastically, "Leon didn't want a memorial service and funeral to distract us from doing our jobs."

"Why would Vance want me dead?" Tony asked curiously.

"I could think of a few reasons," McGee muttered under his breath.

"What was that, McGee?" Tony asked.

"Nothing, Tony," McGee replied, smiling innocently.

"Once we all have something to eat and drink from the delicious buffet set up on the work bench, we'll start the meeting," Gibbs announced.

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An hour later, with everyone sated from the scrumptious buffet, Gibbs started the meeting.

He whistled shrilly to get everyone's attention, then said, "Now that I have your attention, we'll get started. He took a deep breath, then continued, "Our mission, should we choose to accept it, is to get rid of Vance before he has a chance to get rid of DiNozzo. We're gonna have to do this differently from when we got rid of Kate and Director Shepard. This time it's gonna have to be a team effort."

Kate had become an awful bitch to the love of his life, Tony DiNozzo; always making snide comments and hurting his feelings. It had put an terrible damper on their love life, what with Gibbs always having to reassure Tony before he'd put out, and Gibbs just couldn't continue to let her get away with that.

Gibbs had also discovered that his former partner, Jenny Shepard, had failed in her objective to neutralize Svetlana Chernitskaya; not to mention the fact that she couldn't seem to keep her nose out of his cases; not to also mention the fact that she'd used his lover to get her revenge for her father's death; not to also mention the fact that she was so blatant in her attempts to get Gibbs back into her bed (and Gibbs was already taken, thank you very much); so he had used his connections to set the events in motion that had resulted in her death.

No one had suspected a thing.

"As I'm sure you all remember, in Kate's case, we just hired it out to Ari Haswari," He paused dramatically, "And let's hear it for Ziva, for the well-placed head shot she made in getting rid of her brother, and our only witness."

Even then, Ziva had been keen to join Team Gibbs, and she'd jumped at the chance to kill her half-brother to accomplish that. Two birds, one bullet. Besides, their father had always liked him best.

Everyone cheered and clapped enthusiastically as Ziva curtsied deeply, accepting the accolades as her due.

Gibbs had to pause again to allow the cheering and applause to die down. "And in the case of Director Shepard, I just dropped a word in the right ear and let the events play out. It couldn't have turned out better."

He looked around the room at each member of his team and said, "But like I said, getting rid of Director Vance will have to be a team effort. I will now open the floor for suggestions."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Okay," Gibbs said. "I've heard enough. Here's what we're gonna do." He began issuing orders. "DiNozzo, you be more annoying than usual when Director Vance is nearby. He'll want to talk with me about it, so that'll be my excuse to get him somewhere alone."

Tony looked at Gibbs suspiciously. "What do you mean, 'more annoying than usual'?" You think I'm annoying, Boss?"

Gibbs could tell by Tony's tone of voice that he'd really stepped in it, and if he wanted to get laid any time soon, he needed to fix it, and fast. "Of course not, Tony," He said soothingly. "Just be annoying this one time, okay?"

"On it, Boss," Tony said happily, Gibbs' words having placated him. "I'll be so annoying you won't believe it. You won't believe how annoying I'll-"

"Ziva, you choose the method," Gibbs said, neatly interrupting his lover. "Although with all the bragging you've been doing, I think you should prove to all of us that you actually can kill someone with a paperclip."

"It will be my pleasure, Gibbs," Ziva said with a smile.

"McGee, you doctor the surveillance tapes so there's no evidence that Vance left the building with me," The silver-haired team leader ordered.

"You got it, Boss," McGee replied enthusiastically.

"Abby, you take care of the forensic evidence," Gibbs continued. "However Ziva chooses to kill the director, you need to make it look like natural causes. A heart attack or a stroke will do nicely."

"No problem, Bossman," Abby acknowledged with a jaunty salute.

"Ducky and Palmer, you get to do the autopsy," Gibbs said, addressing the final two members of his team. "Of course, you'll need to fudge on the autopsy report."

Ducky answered for himself and his assistant, "We will be happy to help in any way we can, Jethro."

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After the job was done, the entire team met in their favorite bar, another crisis averted. Once they each had their drink of choice, Gibbs raised his glass in salute and said, "You should all be proud of yourselves. Everything went off without a hitch. To the best team effort yet!"

Everyone drank deeply from their glasses, then slapped each other on the back in happy celebration.

"Wait a minute," Tony said apprehensively. "I wonder who the next director will be."

The End?


	2. A Team Effort:  The Gratuitous Sex Scene

Chapter 2 - A Team Effort: The Gratuitous Sex Scene

WARNING: Please note the change in rating. Graphic male/male sex ahead. If this offends you, please don't read this chapter.

A/N: This is still a Crack!Fic. I decided to expand this story with a few more chapters, tentatively titled: "The Gratuitous Sex Scene", "The Suggestions", "The Op", and then maybe "The Funeral". I hope you have as much fun reading this as I did writing it.

Thanks, little_janie, for all your help and encouragement.

A/N 2: This chapter takes place after Gibbs sends the emails to his team and before the midnight meeting in his basement.

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After Gibbs sent off the emails to the members of his team, it was all he could do to keep himself from dragging Tony to the nearest empty room and pounding him into oblivion. He always got like this when Tony was in danger, or if he did something really dumb (both of which happened with regular frequency, and not necessarily in that order). He restrained himself, though, because he couldn't keep asking Abby or McGee to doctor the tapes from the security cameras, which were, much to Gibbs' annoyance, all over the frickin' building. Sooner or later, someone was going to get curious about all the blank spaces; not to mention the fact the last time he'd asked McGee to do it, the man had stuttered uncontrollably for a week. And Gibbs was sure that before doctoring the tapes, Abby was actually making copies for herself first.

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Gibbs had one thought when he and Tony arrived home; claiming his lover. He wasn't going to let some toothpick chewing paper pusher take his Tony away. He pounced on Tony the minute they got in the door. He practically ripped off Tony's clothes while they were still in the foyer, then quickly removed his own, leaving them strewn all over the floor. He then pulled his lover into the dining room and pushed him down onto the table.

Gibbs then devoured his lover's mouth like he was a starving man and Tony was a T-bone steak. He knew that Tony had had his tonsils removed when he was a child, but God help him, he never got tired of looking for them anyway.

He moved from Tony's delectable mouth to his delectable neck, which he bit down on and then started sucking on in earnest. He was going to make sure that Tony had to put his turtleneck shirt collection to good use for the foreseeable future. Lucky for Tony it was cold outside; Gibbs didn't always take the weather into consideration when marking his lover, which Tony complained long and bitterly about one hot and steamy July.

As Gibbs continued to suck on his neck, Tony wondered what had come over his boss. He couldn't remember the older man ever acting like this before; so possessive and so out of control.

But now that he thought about it, there had been that time Tony fell out of a plane. And then there was the time he danced with Paula Cassidy. Gibbs had really been out of control when Tony had been kidnapped by that psycho waitress. Of course, there was the time he took a long lunch and chased after that Swedish woman, Marta. Gibbs had definitely been overly enthusiastic when Tony had been chained to the antiquities thief who turned out to be a killer.

Tony had had to wear turtleneck shirts for weeks after he'd pretended to make love with Ziva when they had been undercover. And after he'd been locked in the shipping container with Ziva, Gibbs had acted much like he was acting now.

When Tony had nearly died of the plague, once he was well enough, of course, Gibbs had bitten him all over his body and fucked him so vigorously he hadn't been able to sit comfortably for a week. Tony had never really figured out if his boss had acted like that because he'd nearly died, or because of all the women who had called him on his new cell phone asking for 'Spanky'.

The list went on and on.

As Tony remembered more and more examples of his boss' present behavior, he realized that Gibbs was this possessive and out of control a lot. He was actually starting to notice a pattern. 

Tony was pulled from his memories when Gibbs finally quit sucking on his neck and pushed Tony's legs towards his chest, which Tony grabbed to hold in place.

Gibbs had just started to finger Tony's opening when he realized something was missing and exclaimed, "Shit!"

Gibbs left his lover and ran into the living room, leaving Tony there on the table holding his legs up to his chest, looking, and feeling, ridiculous.

"Boss, c'mon," Tony whined. "Where the hell are you goin'?"

Gibbs didn't answer. He was too busy tearing through the living room frantically in search of something. He came running back to Tony in triumph, a tube of lube in his hand.

When Tony saw Gibbs standing there with the lube, he said, "It's about time. Way to leave me hangin' here, Boss."

"I'm back now, DiNozzo, so just shut up," Gibbs said as he generously lubed up his fingers and began to prepare his lover. He started with one finger and finished with three. He may be in a hurry to bury himself in Tony's beautiful ass, but he didn't want to inadvertently hurt him, because he sure as hell didn't want anything standing in his way the next time he wanted to take Tony.

Gibbs lifted Tony's legs and placed them on his shoulders. Then he thoroughly lubed himself up and in one smooth thrust, quickly entered Tony's hole. It felt perfect, just like every other time he'd done this. He pulled almost all the way out, then pushed back in. He then started a punishing pace, pounding into Tony's ass ruthlessly. He could never get enough of Tony's perfect ass; and he wasn't going to let Vance or anyone else take Tony's ass away from him.

As he continued to fuck Tony, he leaned forward suddenly and bit the other side of his lover's neck, then sucked on the bite mark. Tony moaned in approval. Gibbs thought Tony actually liked being marked as much as Gibbs liked marking him, at least when it was cold enough for him to wear a turtleneck.

Gibbs could feel himself getting closer to his climax, and he could tell Tony was close, too. He sped up his rhythm and then took hold of Tony's cock in one hand and began to roughly pull on it in time with his thrusts. Finally, Tony came with an incoherent shout; Gibbs followed a few moments later, groaning loudly with his release. He collapsed on top of the younger man, sweaty and exhausted, breathing heavily. Tony wasn't in much better shape than Gibbs was.

Once Tony caught his breath, he asked, "What brought that on, Boss? You usually only act like this if I've come close to dying or if I've done something you consider really stupid."

"You'll find out later tonight at the meeting," Gibbs replied evasively, still trying to catch his breath. "Now, we need to get cleaned up before everyone else gets here."

"You're right," Tony agreed. "We wouldn't want Abby selling tickets again."

"When did she do that?" Gibbs asked curiously.

"If you don't already know, I'm not gonna tell ya," Tony replied. "If Ziva and McGee walked in right now, they could finally settle that bet they've had goin'."

"What bet is that?" Gibbs wanted to know.

"Well, McGee bet that at home you'd never let us have sex anywhere but the bedroom, but Ziva's got her money on us having sex anywhere and everywhere in the house.

"That's one bet they're never gonna settle," Gibbs said angrily.

"Right you are, Boss," Tony said, suddenly nervous. "No one's finding out how much you like having hot monkey sex on the dining room table."

TBC


	3. A Team Effort: The Suggestions

Chapter 3 - A Team Effort: The Suggestions

A/N: Still a Crack!Fic. This story is not betaed, all mistakes are mine.

A/N 2: This chapter starts during the meeting in the basement, immediately after Gibbs opens the floor for suggestions.

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As soon as the word 'suggestions' left Gibbs' mouth, everyone in the basement, except Gibbs, of course, began speaking at once, each anxious for his or her own suggestion to be heard over the others. Strangely enough, he was able to decipher what each team member was saying; his ability to do so both a gift and a curse, as the suggestions he was hearing right now were, to say the least, quite outrageous.

Gibbs didn't know why he was even asking for their suggestions. He knew how he wanted the upcoming op to go; he already had a plan in mind. He supposed he asked because he wanted to maintain the illusion that their little group was actually a democracy and he took all of their ideas seriously, when in reality it was more like a fiefdom, with Gibbs as the undisputed leader (with Tony filling dual roles of both courtesan and court jester). Also, he never knew when he might need to call upon them for help again.

Unfortunately, a lot of the ops he needed done could not be accomplished by just one person. The last time he'd acted alone had been to get rid of the arms dealer, Rene Benoit, and his reasoning for killing that man was only 50% because of Benoit's involvement with Tony; Gibbs would swear that on a stack of bibles. Benoit's daughter, Jeanne, had gotten a free pass at that time because Tony had sworn up and down that she'd saved his life the night before his car had been blown up.

Actually, her days were probably numbered almost as short as Vance's, because she'd falsely accused Tony of killing her father; Gibbs just hadn't gotten around to taking care of her yet.

And if the FBI agents, Fornell and Sacks, tried to put Tony away for murder even one more time, they were also going to be added to the long list of 'ops' that his team carried out.

Maybe one day, Gibbs would examine his obsession with Tony, and his ass, more closely, but today was definitely not that day.

When the noise level in the basement reached deafening proportions, with each team member speaking louder and louder in order to be heard over the others, Gibbs pulled his gun from his holster and fired it into the ceiling to get their attention. It worked admirably. Immediately, everyone quit speaking and turned their attention to their boss. Gibbs shook his head ruefully; he had to quit firing his gun in the house. The neighbors were going to start asking questions, and then…

The team leader forced himself from that line of thought. It was definitely a bad idea to start adding his neighbors to the list; although if Johnson from the down the street borrowed his snow blower one more time without asking…

'Enough of that!' Gibbs said to himself. It was time to get on with the meeting. Right now, nothing was more important that stopping Vance from getting rid of Tony, and his ass.

Everyone was looking at Gibbs expectantly. He guessed that wasn't too strange, since he'd just fired his gun into the ceiling. He began the laborious task of shooting down each of their suggestions in turn, which was not as easy as it sounded, because he had to do it without upsetting any of them too badly, especially Tony.

Gibbs looked at the youngest member of his team and said, "Palmer, while locking Vance in one of the body drawers in autopsy until he suffocates is a fine suggestion, I think all the kicking and screaming he'll no doubt do before he actually dies might attract too much unwanted attention."

Palmer seemed to take the rejection of his idea pretty well, all things considered.

The team leader turned his attention to Ducky. "Ducky, dosing him with a paralytic toxin and doing the autopsy while he's still alive sounds pretty good, but even I'm not that much of a bastard."

Ducky looked at Gibbs sheepishly and said, "It was all I could come up with on such short notice, Jethro."

"You've got a sadistic streak you've been hiding from all of us, don't you, Ducky," Gibbs commented dryly. He then turned his attention to McGee and said, "McGee, poisoning the box of toothpicks Vance keep on his desk sounds all right at first, but what if the SecNav is in there for a meeting and happens to borrow one?"

"Sorry, Boss," McGee said contritely. "I didn't think of that."

Gibbs started to say his famous quote, "Never apologize-"

"IT'S A SIGN OF WEAKNESS!" Everyone else in the room finished for him in unison.

Once the basement was quiet again, Gibbs looked at Ziva and said, "Ziva, sniping him from a distance is a decent idea."

"But… " Ziva said, knowing her idea was going to be shot down next.

"But Vance is the director of an armed federal agency, so who do you think is gonna be put on the case if he's shot?" Gibbs asked rhetorically. "I for one don't want to spend the next year or two investigating his murder. Not to mention the fact that there's too much of a chance that there will be witnesses to see him go down." He looked around the room and addressed the rest of the team, "Anyone disagree?"

The rest of the team members wisely kept their mouths shut.

Next, Gibbs addressed his forensic specialist, "Abby, we all know that you can get rid of someone and leave nothing behind; no trace of a body, no trace that a crime has even been committed, but we actually need a dead body this time, for the same reason that we can't shoot him. We don't want to be investigating his disappearance for the foreseeable future."

"You will let me do it sometime, though, won't you, Gibbs?" Abby asked eagerly.

Gibbs walked over to her and gently kissed her cheek. "Maybe next time, Abs."

"I'm really looking forward to it, Gibbs," Abby said as she bounced excitedly on her feet.

Gibbs turned his attention to his lover. He had to come up with a way to shoot Tony's idea down, without risking him going into the famous 'DiNozzo Sulk'. Gibbs had to avoid that at all costs. His libido certainly wouldn't thank him if he didn't succeed. The ramifications didn't bear thinking about.

The team leader realized that Tony was high maintenance. Sometimes he wondered if his second-in-command was worth it. He moved so he could get a better look at his lover's ass and as he eyed it appreciatively, Gibbs had to admit to himself that Tony's ass was definitely worth any amount of trouble, as long as he was able to keep appreciating that fine ass as much as possible.

"Tony, your idea has merit," Gibbs began diplomatically. "But forcing him to listen to 'It's a Small World' until he's insane enough to commit suicide would just take too much time."

"But, Boss-" Tony began, ready to argue that his idea was workable.

Gibbs interrupted, "Do you really want to wait that long until we can, you know…" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively at his lover. He didn't want to go into specifics with the rest of the team in hearing distance. With one team member selling tickets and two others making bets, he didn't want to give them any ideas; they could come up with enough on their own without his input.

"I guess not, Boss," Tony said agreeably. He was as obsessed with Gibbs as Gibbs was with him, and it would be unbearable to go without, as Ducky would say, 'rigorous physical pursuits', for very long.

Gibbs breathed a sigh of relief as yet another difficult mission he had set for himself had been accomplished; the famous, or infamous, 'DiNozzo Sulk' had been successfully averted once again.


	4. A Team Effort: The Op

Chapter 4 - A Team Effort: The Op

A/N: Still a Crack!Fic. This chapter contains explicit male/male sex. If that offends, please don't read. Thanks for your help, little_janie.

A/N 2: This chapter takes place after the meeting in the basement and before the celebration in the bar.

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Gibbs had Tony laid out in his basement under his partially completed boat as he *appreciated* his ass yet again. He was sure Tony was going to be the death of him, but it was a much better way to go than getting shot, poisoned or blown up again. As he slammed into his lover's body, they heard the front door opening as someone arrived for the briefing he'd ordered his team to attend before they had all left work earlier that day.

Gibbs paused in mid thrust and bellowed loud enough for the person upstairs to hear, "Whoever is up there better stay up there until I give the word! I'm busy right now!" He then resumed pounding Tony's ass as if they'd never been interrupted.

Tony said, grunting in between each word as Gibbs continued to plunder his ass, "You -grunt- do -grunt- realize -grunt- that -grunt- you -grunt- basically -grunt- just -grunt- told -grunt- whoever -grunt- is -grunt- up -grunt- there -grunt- that -grunt- we're -grunt- down -grunt- here -grunt- going -grunt- at -grunt- it -grunt- like -grunt- rabbits -grunt-."

Gibbs continued in his endeavors and replied testily, "Yes, I do realize that, DiNozzo, and I don't care. I just don't think we need an audience."

"I guess you're right," Tony said. "But Abby's never gonna make any money selling tickets if you never-"

Gibbs shut the younger man up by kissing him as he continued to pound into his ass. He then began to nuzzle and nip Tony's neck as he pinched and squeezed his nipples. When he felt Tony was close to his climax, he moved one hand from a tempting nipple to an even more tempting cock, and roughly jerked Tony off in time with his thrusts, until his lover came with a shout. Gibbs followed him a few thrusts later, then collapsed on top of his lover and tried to catch his breath.

Tony looked at his boss with adoration in his eyes. "I love you, Boss."

Gibbs grunted and then slapped Tony sharply on the ass as he pulled out and barked, "Shut up and get ready, DiNozzo."

Tony grinned happily as he put his clothes back on, because he knew in Gibbs-speak that meant, 'I love you, too, Tony. Now, please get dressed, we're late for our meeting'.

XXXXXXXXXX

Not long after Gibbs and Tony were both presentable, Gibbs went upstairs and found his team patiently waiting in the kitchen for the meeting to start. He gestured for them to follow him, and they all went down to the basement.

Once everyone was assembled in the basement and chatting quietly with each other, Gibbs whistled loudly to get their attention. When they didn't quiet down enough to suit him, he bellowed, "Don't make me fire my gun into the ceiling again! I've got enough holes in the kitchen floor as it is!"

"But, Boss," Tony said, "When the light's on up there it looks kinda like stars when we're-"

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs bellowed, to shut his lover up.

"I think that's enough information for us to settle our bet, McGee," Ziva stated. "Do you not agree?"

"Ziva," McGee said. "Tony didn't really come out and-"

"McGee," Ziva interrupted. "Did you not hear the noises coming from down here when we first arrived? And in case you have forgotten, I can kill someone 18 different ways with a paperclip."

"We don't know for sure what was making those noises," McGee responded. "And no offense, Ziva, but we have yet to see you kill someone even one way with a paperclip."

"Which will be rectified upon the completion of this operation," Ziva said. "Now, pay down."

"That's pay up," McGee corrected.

"Whatever," Ziva stated sharply. "Just give me my money."

McGee grumbled to himself as he got his wallet out of his pocket and took out a few bills and put them in Ziva's outstretched hand.

"What was that, McGee?" Ziva asked sweetly.

"Nothing," McGee replied nervously.

"If we can get back to the matter at hand," Gibbs said as he glared at his two junior agents, "I called this meeting because I want to make sure each one of you has your job straight for the upcoming op, code named OSTA.

McGee repeated, confused, "OSTA?"

Abby thought for a few moments and then began jumping up and down in excitement. "I know what it means."

"Do not keep us in suspense, Abby. Please, tell us what it means?" Ziva asked curiously.

"Operation Save Tony's Ass," Abby explained happily as she bounced up and down, her pigtails waving wildly around her head. "We all know that's our most important job, even more important than stopping terrorists and putting killers behind bars."

"Why should it be our job to save Tony's ass all the time?" McGee asked, as he suddenly realized that was exactly what most of their ops had been all about.

"Think about it, McGee," Abby said, exasperated, as if the answer should be obvious.

"What should he think about?" Ziva put in, sounding just as confused as McGee.

"You know how grouchy Gibbs can be, even when he has Tony's ass," Abby said. "Can you imagine how bad his temper would be if he didn't have Tony's ass?"

McGee and Ziva nodded in agreement, as they realized the truth of her words. Gibbs having unrestricted access to Tony's ass definitely made all of their lives a lot easier.

"If you three are done discussing Tony's ass, I'd like to get on with the briefing," Gibbs said impatiently.

"Boss?" Tony said.

"What is it, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked with forced patience.

"Why does Vance want me dead anyway?" Tony asked.

Gibbs had to think a minute. There was no way in hell he was going to tell Tony that the SecNav thought he should be promoted (and if the SecNav pushed that idea, he was going to be added to the list), because Gibbs didn't want Tony to get any lofty ideas about having his own team, and he certainly didn't want to be separated from his lover, and his delectable ass, any more than absolutely necessary.

He had to come up with a believable 'white lie' that Tony would accept. "Well, I think he's still a little upset about the time you were supposed to be watching the previous director's six, and she got killed on your watch."

"But, Boss," Tony protested. "That was part of the-"

"I know that, DiNozzo; we all know that," Gibbs stated. "But he doesn't."

"Oh, right," Tony said sheepishly. "It's too bad we can't arrange something like that again."

"It'd look too suspicious after what happened to the last director," Gibbs explained. "Now can we get on with the briefing?"

"Sure, Boss," Tony said magnanimously. "Go ahead."

Gibbs glared at his lover. "Thank you." Then he turned his attention to the rest of his team and gave them detailed instructions so they could each successfully complete their part in OSTA.

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OSTA went off without a hitch. Vance came down into the bullpen first thing the next morning to ride Gibbs' ass about the status of their current case, as Gibbs knew he would.

As soon as Vance started bitching at the team leader, Gibbs gave the signal.

When he saw Gibbs' signal, Tony climbed on top of his desk and began singing, 'Don't Worry, Be Happy' at the top of his lungs. He was at his annoying best. It reminded Gibbs of the time he'd caught Tony standing on his desk with the attention of the entire floor asking if anyone had seen his wallet, only it was much more entertaining, but that was because it annoyed the director so much.

Predictably, Vance bellowed at Tony to shut the hell up, and insisted on a private meeting with Gibbs to discuss the senior field agent's behavior. Even though Tony's demise was in the works, the director had to keep up appearances in front of all the other agents on the floor.

Much to everyone's annoyance, Tony actually finished the song after Vance and Gibbs were gone. Catcalls of, 'don't quit your day job', 'thanks a lot, now that dumb song's gonna be stuck in my head all day', and 'thank God, it's over', were heard from various agents on the third floor.

Once Gibbs and Vance were out of the building, McGee got to work on the surveillance tapes, replacing the one of the director leaving with Gibbs with one from a day previous when he had left the building alone.

Gibbs led the director to the little used park down the road from the Navy Yard, with Ziva discretely following them. Gibbs lured Vance into position under a tree and Ziva swooped down and worked her magic with the paperclip and the director dropped dead, the tip of a straightened paperclip sticking out of the top of his head.

Gibbs called Ducky, and the ME and Palmer arrived a few minutes later with the van to take the body back to Autopsy, where they could put their part of the plan into action.

Abby was ready in her lab with the things she needed to make it appear that Vance had been on a walk in the park and had suddenly dropped dead of a heart attack. Ducky would complete the op with his autopsy report stating the same.

Gibbs, Ziva and Tony made a pretense of working the scene. Their reports would read that the director had taken a walk alone and hadn't returned, so they traced the GPS in his cell phone and found him in the park, dead of an apparent heart attack.

As the three of them walked back to the Navy Yard, Tony looked at Gibbs and asked, "Remember what you said about Vance not wanting the team to be distracted by a memorial service and funeral while working on the big case?"

"Yeah," Gibbs said. "What about it?"

Tony replied with a smile, "Little did he realize that it would be his own memorial service and funeral that would be distracting the team from working on the big case."

TBC


	5. A Team Effort: The Funeral

Chapter 5 - A Team Effort: The Funeral

Gibbs sat in a pew close to the front of the church with the rest of his team while they attended the director's funeral. There was no way around it; he'd tried everything he could think of, but they had to attend the funeral by order of the SecNav.

He glanced at the rest of his team, as the minister droned on and on and on about what a great man Leon Vance had been. His team didn't seem impressed at all. Sometimes he thought he was the monitor of an elementary school playground. The only members of his team sitting quietly were Ducky and Jimmy. Ziva seemed to be trying hard not to laugh, McGee was tugging on one of Abby's pigtails and Abby was threatening to hit McGee with her parasol.

And Tony, well Tony was fidgeting. There was no other word for it. He was acting like he had ants in his pants.

Gibbs leaned towards his second-in-command and said quietly, "DiNozzo, sit still."

"I can't help it, Boss, this is so boring," Tony whined as he tried to comply. "Besides, my ass is still a little sore from-"

"It's a funeral, show a little respect," Gibbs interrupted.

"Show a little respect?" Tony hissed. "The man wanted me dead and was in the process of putting a hit out on me."

"You do have a point," Gibbs conceded. "But can you at least **pretend** to show a little respect?"

"That's gonna be hard to do, Boss."

Gibbs leaned closer to Tony and whispered seductively in his ear, "I'll tell you what, Tony, if you be good for the rest of the funeral, later on when we're at the director's house, we'll find a place where we can be alone, and I'll let you suck me off."

"Are you sure, Boss?" Tony whispered, obviously very enthusiastic about that idea.

"I'm sure," Gibbs promised. "We have to find something to do so the rest of the day isn't a total waste."

XXXXXXXXXX

Later, as the team was leaving the graveyard after the burial, Jackie Vance approached Gibbs. He gestured for the rest of the team to go ahead without him and stopped to talk with her.

"Thank you, Agent Gibbs," Jackie said as she shook his hand. "I'm very grateful for what you did."

"For coming to the funeral?" Gibbs asked. "It's the least I could do. After all, he was the director. Besides, the SecNav ordered me to be here."

"I'm not thanking you for coming to the funeral," Jackie stated.

"Then what are you thanking me for?" Gibbs' inquiring mind wanted to know.

.

"Ever since Leon became director of NCIS, he's been on a major power trip," Jackie replied softly. "That was fine when he was at work, but he was starting to act like that at home. You saved me the trouble of killing him myself. Frankly, the children and I are ecstatic."

As Gibbs and Jackie talked, a tall, handsome man approached them. When he reached them, Jackie put her arm through his and said with a smile, "Agent Gibbs, I'd like you to meet my… I mean a close family friend."

XXXXXXXXXX

Ducky and Jimmy decided to sit for a while after mingling with the rest of the funeral attendees at the home of Leon and Jackie Vance following the funeral.

"Why so quiet, Mr. Palmer?" Ducky asked, having noticed that his young friend seemed to be bothered by something.

"I was just thinking," Jimmy replied.

"About what?"

"I guess I'm just worried, Doctor."

"What has you so worried, my boy?"

"What if I'm next on the list?"

"Mr. Palmer, as long as you don't do anything to upset Anthony, you'll be fine."

"Well, I wouldn't ever do anything on purpose, but what if I do something without meaning to?"

"Don't worry, my boy, I'll look after you."

"Thank you, Dr. Mallard." Jimmy seemed greatly relieved.

"Is there anything else?"

"I was just wondering why Ziva is still alive."

"I don't understand what you mean."

"Well, do you remember when she had that dinner party and invited everyone but Tony?"

"I can assure you, Mr. Palmer, she didn't escape that little debacle unscathed."

"What happened?"

"Well, Jethro, as you young people would say, 'tore her a new one', threatened to kick her all the way back to Israel and made her write 'I will never have a dinner party and invite everyone but Tony ever again', one thousand times."

"That's harsh," Jimmy said with a shudder.

XXXXXXXXXX

McGee, Abby and Ziva were gathered together in the corner of the living room at the former director's home after the funeral. They were tired of making small talk with people who had actually liked their former director.

"Who is that good looking man with Mrs. Vance?" Ziva asked.

"Well, I heard her say he's a 'close family friend'," Abby answered. "But I think he's her date."

"She brought a date to her husband's funeral?" McGee asked incredulously.

"What's wrong with that?" Abby asked, obviously seeing nothing wrong with the new widow's behavior.

"Never mind," McGee answered.

"I haven't seen the children around," Ziva commented. "I wonder where they are."

"I heard they had somewhere else they'd rather to be," Abby said.

"What could be more important than attending their father's funeral?" McGee asked.

"Well, McGee," Abby said. "If you were a kid and you had a choice between going to a funeral and going to Disney Land, where would you rather be?"

"I see your point," McGee answered.

XXXXXXXXXX

Gibbs managed to escape the clutches of several of the 'mourners' and was finally able to meet Tony in the master bathroom. He closed and locked the door behind him and turned around. "What are you doing, DiNozzo?"

Tony stopped stroking the hot tub he'd found in the director's bathroom and he turned and looked at his boss. "Look, Boss, a Jacuzzi!" He said enthusiastically.

"I can see it's a Jacuzzi, now get over here and get busy," Gibbs said as he leaned back against the counter and braced himself with his hands. He knew from previous experience that he'd need the extra support. He loved Tony's mouth (at least when he wasn't using it to talk) almost as much as he loved his ass.

Tony walked over to Gibbs and began undoing his boss' belt buckle. "Do you think we can-"

"DiNozzo, we don't have time to strip down and get in the Jacuzzi," Gibbs said impatiently. "And don't you think you'd have a hard time breathing if you sucked me off with your head under water?"

"Maybe you can build one for your place," Tony suggested as he unfastened Gibbs' pants and pushed them down to his knees, freeing his boss' already hard, leaking cock. "Just think of what we-"

Gibbs interrupted, "I don't have anywhere to put one, DiNozzo." Although the idea of fucking Tony in a Jacuzzi was an appealing one, building one at his place wasn't an option. Short of putting it in the living room, he just didn't have the room. "C'mon, time's a wastin'."

Tony seemed disappointed, but lowered himself to his knees and began to suck on Gibbs' dick enthusiastically. Actually, he licked, nibbled, nuzzled, and sucked with a talent that Gibbs appreciated a lot, although not quite as much as he appreciated Tony's ass.

Just when Gibbs thought he couldn't take any more, Tony began to hum "Anchor's Away" while Gibbs' shaft was as deep in his mouth as it could get, and Gibbs blew his load down Tony's throat.

Once he was able to breathe again, Gibbs leaned down and helped Tony to his feet. He reached for Tony's cock so he could return the favor.

"That's all right, Boss," Tony said as he held up his hand and waved his fingers around. "I've already taken care of that with a little help from Rosie Palm and her five sisters."

"Rosie Palm and her five sisters?"

"Yeah, we used to say that when I was in the military academy. The only action some of the guys could get was from Rosie Palm and her five sisters. That means-"

"I know what it means, DiNozzo!" Gibbs said as he slapped the back of Tony's head. "C'mon, let's get presentable and back out there before we're missed."

XXXXXXXXXX

Gibbs and Tony had just rejoined the rest of the funeral attendees in the living room following their tryst in the bathroom, and they were talking quietly. Actually, Tony was chewing Gibbs' ears off about the damn Jacuzzi.

The SecNav approached them and asked, "Can I speak with you alone, Agent Gibbs?"

"Tony, why don't you go get us a couple of drinks," Gibbs said to his lover. "And take your time," He called after his senior field agent as he discretely admired his retreating backside.

Once Tony was gone, the SecNav shook Gibbs' hand as he said, "I just wanted to congratulate you and your team on a job well done."

"I'm not sure what you mean, Sir. We haven't closed the case yet." Gibbs said as he tried to look like he hadn't just had his brains sucked out through his dick by his second-in-command. "We've been… distracted by the memorial service and funeral."

The SecNav leaned forward and whispered in Gibbs' ear, "I told Vance I wanted him to promote DiNozzo because I knew what he'd do, and I knew how you'd react."

"With all due respect, Sir, what if I hadn't caught on to what he was planning?" Gibbs asked. "DiNozzo could have been killed."

"Oh, you underestimate me, Agent Gibbs. Who do you think that so-called hit man really worked for?" The SecNav said as he winked. "Your agent was never in any danger."

Gibbs grinned and said with admiration, "You're a sly ol' dog, aren't you?"

"Actually, I thought Vance would've been gone a long time ago, after he sent DiNozzo afloat."

"It would've been too suspicious so soon after what happened to the previous director, Sir."

"Just between the two of us, it's a bitch owing people favors. That's how we got into this mess in the first place, but I knew you'd come through for me, Gibbs."

"Happy to be of service, Sir."

"It's really bad form to fire someone that you appointed yourself, and let's just say Vance wasn't working out any better than his predecessor as director of NCIS. Although, I must say, it took you longer to snap under Shepard than I thought it would."

Gibbs laughed aloud, not at all offended that he'd been manipulated. "I did try, Sir, but in the end she didn't give me any other choice."

"Maybe this time, you'll take the job when I offer it to you," The SecNav commented.

Gibbs quickly lost his good humor and became horror stricken, because it seemed he had brought about the very thing he'd been working so hard to prevent; being separated from Tony, and his ass.

The SecNav noticed the look on Gibbs' face and correctly interpreted it. "Don't worry," He said. "We'll put another desk in the director's office and DiNozzo can be your personal assistant, boy Friday, whatever you want, and your team will still be available to you to help you out with your 'ops'. We can't very well break up the best team at NCIS, now can we?"

"I don't know, Mr. Secretary, I make a better field agent." Gibbs was tempted by the offer, given what the previous two directors had done to Tony, but he didn't want upset the status quo. He liked things the way they were.

"Did you know that the director's office has an en suite bathroom, complete with a Jacuzzi?" The SecNav asked.

Gibbs' eyes widened as he thought of all the possibilities, and suddenly, it wasn't such a difficult decision to make after all. He grasped the SecNav's hand and shook it as he said enthusiastically, "I think you've just found the new director of NCIS, Sir."


End file.
